four years to forever

four years ago from today, you told me you love me…

warning: teaser pics flood ahead!

BECAUSE I JUST GOT BACK FROM THE HOLIDAYS LAST SATURDAY. BECAUSE I JUST UPLOADED ALL THE PICTURES TODAY. BECAUSE THERE'S SO MANY OF THEM. BECAUSE ITS A MONDAY AND I JUST GOT HOME FROM MY FIRTS DAY AT MY NEW JOB. BECAUSE THERE'S A TYPHOON AND ITS FREEZING OUT HERE. BECAUSE ID RATHER SLEEP THAN WRITE A LONG POST.

BEACUSE THE PAST FIVE DAYS WAS SUPER TIRING AND MEGA FUN THAT ID RATHER LET THE PICTURES SPEAK FOR THEMSELVES…

from slave to teacher to THE job

i'm officially a professional again, as in punch-in-for-eight-hours professional. yeah. im totally excited. i went to the office this morning and talked to one of the admins. pretty cool convo we had. remember all those powerpoint presentations ive been slaving for the past weeks? well yeah, ive reaped the rewards. im gonna be full time trainer and i would be handling tons of work...lectures on customer service and communications….id be putting together modules and manuals…will be doing team building activities/workshops…

so again, im-doing-cartwheels-in-my-head excited!

this is the job, THE job!

im starting to think, ive slaved for 2 years wasting my life in a callcenter that is managed by orcs…i cried and screamed countless hours from sheer frustration and stress…so i guess the wheel has turned…it's MY turn! 

then again, that callcenter job as infused me with endless knowledge on customer service and technical stuff. so yeah, it has its good side. and i can finally use it to My benefit. yey! 

~.~*********************************************~.~ 

but if there's a job il miss, it would be teaching. three months of teaching English to cute and adorable korean kids has helped to heal my damaged spirit after i resigned from my slave job. ive considered doing it full time but still, i know that i would be more happy doing geeky stuff. the kids always come back here fro their yearly camp tutorials anyway (July-September for Summer Camp and November to January for Winter Camp) so i can visit them anytime. 

here are my two most favorite students. i know its a bad for a teacher to have a favorite but…i can't help it!

Martin is so adorable. he always makes me laugh…make that, he makes me laugh eveyrday!

Michael is a very smart kid. his class with me is 1pm, right after lunchtime where they usually play soccer or basketball after eating. while the other kids smell funky with all the sweat and sun, Michaels comes to my class bagong ligo everyday just for me! and he does some Jumong moves for me whenever im in a funk and i love him for that.

these two kids cried their eyes out during the farewell party. they clung to me like im their mother. i miss them so much. i hope they come back this november for winter camp so i can see them again cuz if not, i have to wait till next summer camp on July…

~.~************************************************~.~

also, since i have a new found life, im thinking of celebrating it by having a haircut. my hair's really long right now, almost touching my waist and its not even super straight like that so its really long…well im still thinking about it, although my bro is trying his best to convince me to go for it while my Be would be pissed if he found out about my plan cuz he really wants it long…

well whatev, its my hair, il do anything i want with it.

~.~***************************************************~.~

pahabol: remember when i blogged about getting my own domain? all the names on the list has been taken (its entirely my fault because being the girl that i am, it took me ages to decide). but idid have one registered already >>> tokwatbaboy.com! hahahahaha! just shows how i love food. nalet said that im the Tokwa and my Be is the Baboy…harharhar…its gonna be a sort of foodie journal as well…but given that im gonna be super busy, as in exag busy with work starting next month, it would take months again before its gonna be up and running…but anyway, one PLAN done, more and many more to go! 

~.~******************************************************~.~

just about 20 mins ago, i was ready to turn our house upside down…i was pulling my hair out…..ready to cry…because i can't find very pertinent information that i needed to make me official at my new job - my SSS, TIN and PhilHealth Numbers! yeah, im lame like that. i knew that i saw those I.D.'s lying around the house a few weeks ago but since i made a total clean-up of our flat when my dad arrived, i can't find them anymore!

note to self: put important stuff together somewhere safe!

well yeah, i was hyperventilationg and after calming myself, i found them one by one…

first was my PhilHealth card that was stuck in one of my wallets.

second, my SSS form that contained my SSS number found also stuck in my other wallet.

lastly, i found my BIR form from last year lying amongst a pile of papers under the coffee table that bears my TIN.

*insert BIG sight of relief here.*

so after panicking and running around the house like crazy, i finally secured them all.

i was so happy i could have cried. 

message to everyone else reading this: don't be like me. just the sheer thought of losing such information will drive you nuts. 

ciao! 

what’s in my desktop?

i woke up at 7am but surprisingly, i sat down infront of my laptop around 10 or something…^_^ logged in to ym/gtalk, played Samson by Regina Spektor, opened photoshop, woke up mozilla and yes, my day has started.

i was tagged by LA .

and this is what my desktop looks like when its all clean and tidy and everything minimized.

well…there's nothing special with my post…just another boring day…im tagging: nalet, snglgy, ade, carey and april zara.

 ^___^'

~.***************************************************.~

and in other news….

one word: FIERCE!

yeah im channeling tyra banks by using the fierce-expression but OMG, cate blanchette is wicked! i wonder how she moved though…i mean, it looked liked they could pop out any second. 

samson

im feeling dazed today. no particular reason. i don't know. 

i woke up at 7. went back to bed at 9. woke up again at 2.

 Samson by Regina Spektor is on repeat on my player.

"you are my sweetest downfall

i loved you first, i loved you first

beneath the sheets of papers lies my truth

i have to go, i have to go

you are my sweetest downfall

i loved you first, i loved you first

beneath the stars keep falling on our heads

But there just soft light, there just soft light"

a retarded post

12:15 in the morning. had a semi-fight with him. semi-fight because i tried my best not to lose it. i could feel his angry aura allover me. forced him away. ended up hurting myself. words unspoken. emotions allover the place. 

i wanna burst.

i wanna scream.

i wanna slap him in the face.

i wanna punch him.

god, i just wanna cry right now.

fuckin gayness. 

beacuse of one stupid, small, mindless thing.

stupid, stupid, stupid.

fuck emo.

yech. 

im afraid to be domesticated

its exactly 3:55pm and i feel tired and happy at the same time…

ive just accomplished lots today by just staying home…wakokokoko…

i woke up about quarter to 7 to prepare my Be's day…cooked breakfast for both of us then sent him off to work…lol

bout 8 ive started to tackle our laundry…yes, our laundry that's been left untouched for more than a week ever since my dad came home…a whole mountain of it…or you could say, little hills of laundry since ive separated them like crazy…whites vs. colored, tops vs. pants, undies vs. socks, jeans vs. khakis, jackets/sweats vs. long sleeved shirts…aaaaaaahhhhh… 

but it was pretty cool doing the laundry now since my dad bought us a brand new LG automatic washing machine! y'know the digital types where you just need to punch in the type of laundry and washing you want and it will automatically process it and take care of it from washing to rinsing to spinning! it'll just give a crazy beep once its finished…hahahahaha…even putting water is not a problem, just leave the faucet on and it will take care of the amount of water getting in the tub, the amount of detergent powder and even the amount of fabric softener…kewl…it'll even adjust the water heat for you according to what it feels is right for the type of clothes you're washing…super kewl…so yeah, i ended up watching the boob tube half the time while washing…so in short, the only real job i did was hang everything in place…aaaahhhh..love it

next, i was abel to sort out all our clothes…we have tons..err…I have TONS…so i ended up sorting them in what's cool, what's not, what fits, what sucks…all that crap…so yeah, our flat looked like a dumping area for uka-ukays after that…but it felt good to do that…its like i was cleaning off excess baggage from my life…

then, i raided our regrigerator (which, take note, is also a brand new sleek silver LG! thanks to my dad who decided to pimp our flat by buying us new stuuf)…sorted out everything then cleaned it a little bit then put everything back in place! whew!

after that, i finally went online, uploaded a humongous amount of pictures in my new Facebook account…i then separated them in 7 different albums and captioned every single picture…bout 4 of those albums contained 60 pictures, so yeah, i went OA and captioned every single picture.

then i downloaded all the songs i had in a list stored in my head. arranged them and labeled them properly. OC in the works.

i then aswered pending emails and sent some to far away friends to inform them that im still breathing and that yes, my feet's still a size six and yes, i still like havaianas. 

i visited and edited some stuff for our online forum (our = former and current louisians) since im one of the admins…check it out at http://louisians.redbarrack.net

and yes, here I am, updating my blog…in 30 minutes or so i have to go out to buy vegetables for dinner and check out our landlady to make sure that the people living at the slightly larger flat with a slightly larger veranda is really moving out so i could have the place reserved for us…

my back hurts…i think i need to lie down a bit but im afraid that if i do that, i might end up comatose and wake up with my bro whining on why i haven't prepared dinner…so yeah…il just stay online for a couple more minutes to kill time then head for the grocer…im looking forward to having lunch with a friend tomorrow…ive got to get out of this domesticated state im in…yech

more later! 

my rock

nonstop night outs…shopping sprees…out-of-town trips…endless pigging out…

my dad arrived in Manila last friday night, stayed at a hotel overnight and arrived here in Baguio Saturday 5pm…and ever since he arrived, we did nothing but go out, eat and spend as much quality time with each other as we can…he's only here for 2 weeks…1st week spent with us and the 2nd week to be spent doing some business in the Visayas Region…the time limit is such a pain but the fact that he's able to come home atleast 2 or 3 times a year is a relief…besides, he promised a longer vacation on April or May…we made him swear (haha) that he'll take us to Mindoro and Palawan (diet alert!)…wehehehe…nway, if the stars align on our favor, i might have a beach wedding instead of my most coveted garden wedding beneath the pines…

right now, im feeling a light backache and fever…my throat hurts and my voice is hoarse…all of it due to fatigue and too much excitement maybe…wakokokoko

my dad's coming-home trips are always the highlights of every year that passes by…he's been away working abroad for almost 24 years now…and he's planning to retire in 5 years or so…well i think its about time…but even if he wasn't here with us physically during our growing-up years, we always felt him in spirit…

my dad is my ultimate bestfriend…he is the first and foremost love of my life…being with him is one of the best moments i have…the lessons he taught me and my siblings are priceless…he is the best dad in the whole universe…

my dad is my ultimate bestfriend because he knows how to listen…he understands my feelings…he knows me not only as his daughter but as a human person…i remember vividly a heartbreak i had when I was 18…i texted him and told him i wanted to die… i was pretty drunk that night…it was my first heartache…normally, daughters turn to their moms or older sister/cousin or friends…but i turn to my dad who is thousands of miles away with a 5-hour time difference…he called me up immediately and talked to me…i dint say a word…i just cried and cried to him…he dint question me or my actions…he dint say "i told you so"…instead, he just stayed there with me over the phone and consoled me…he made me feel that I am loved…that I am cared for…that i am special…and all throughout the course of my life, he's done the same…im already 24 but sometimes he still treats me like im 18…im stronger because my dad is my strength…

my dad is my rock…

my dad is the love of my life…of course the love and attention he gives me is different from that of my partner…but his is 100% unconditional…i can't count the times that he's made me feel that way…

moments spent with him are the most precious…we talk about everything under the sun…no topic is taboo when we're together…that's the reason why i treasure conversations with him so much…we're very open with each other …the lessons he gave us are endless…

i think any person who can make you feel so overwhelmed that you sometimes end up crying when you talk about him is one of a kind…honestly, its either i always find myself near tears or already crying my heart out everytime i talk about my dad… it really hurts that i can't be with him as much as i want to…but in 5 years time or so, when he retires, i know that i can look forward to a more fruitful and happy years together with him…and at that time when he's old, ill be the one to be there to take care of him and pour him with so much love and affection…like the way he did since we were young…

why i dint walk down the aisle…yet

yey! its been nine days since my last post and im here again getting ready to put up a new entry…wakokokoko…what a change…but a good one and hopefully since im right on track again, i'd be able to keep it going…

so nway, ive had some people asking me bout the stuff i posted last time…especially the almost getting hitched thing…wehehehe…

here's a quick rundown on what really happened:

date: 07/06/07

time: between 5:30pm - 12 something int the morning

5:30pm - i met up with my Be at our airsoft team's HQ (headquarters) after my stint as a tutor…it was friday so im already expecting that we might eat out or watch a movie….

bout 6pm - my Be arrived with kuya Noel (our team president) and i immediately wanted to go to session road or SM cuz i was really dying from starvation but both keep insisting that we stay for a while…for what reason? he can't tell me…

6:30pm something and onwards- I was becoming restless already and having tantrums so my Be decided to pop the question…so yeah, he showed me the pair of wedding rings he and kuya Noel bought and asked me to marry him the next day, 07/07/07…

…i was stunned…it was so unexpected…my Be is not the most romantic person in the world…i was literally speechless for a few minutes and that is because i was trying hard not to cry…

…i soon found out that our whole airsoft team was on the go the whole day trying to look for a Judge that will wed us the next day…they even tried to convince our City Mayor to spare a few minutes the next day but unfortunately his schedule is fully booked…

bout 7:30something onwards -  dinner at Yellow Cab…my brother's treat…but I can't eat! seriously…I actually wanted to throw up…take note that I was still in a state of shock…so while my brother and my Be were enjoying their pizza, I was staring at mine while smoking nonstop…my Be was able to talk to one of our close friends who is now based in Cabanatuan and works for DILG…he's got a lot, and i mean a LOT, of politician contacts who owe him a favor…my Be thought that if he can get someone in Cabanatuan to wed us, then we'll go down there first thing in the morning, just him and me, to get married…

bout 9pm something - we arrived home…may dad called…he gave his blessings since he's known since day 1 that we have plans of getting hitched although it was for next year…he talked to both me and my Be…i almost cried..

bout 10:30pmsomething onwards -  my friend from Cabanatuan called…he's got a Judge who can wed us, but only for a limited time so we have to contact him ASAP first thing in the morning if we decide to go with the wedding or not…

bout 11pm onwards - I was at my brother's room…staring at the rings…my Be joined me and it was when everything was calm and quiet again that I cried…i cried for reasons i can't explain…i cried maybe because im scared…and happy…and scared…and did i say scared?

…i threw up…uhm yeah…kinda gross but i threw up after crying…i hope there's some sort of scientific or psychological explanation to this…

bout 12pm onwards - we finally went to sleep…we were both tired and we've already decided on it..

…the reason we decided not to forego the wedding after all the hullabaloo is because of me…i decided not to…not because im scared of the idea of being a married woman but because of a deeper reason…

…the things is, i really want my dad to be there on my wedding day…even if we say that it was just a simple civil wedding, its still the most important day of my life…and i want my dad to be there when it happens...i want him to hold me and hug me before i say my I Do's….his presence will mean so much to me and i really can't take the idea of getting hitched without him physically there…

…my Be understands this so there's really no big issue…he knows how special my bond is with my dad and he doesn't want to stand in the way…

…so there, i dint get hitched because of that special reason…but im still totally super excited to get married next year!

wakokokokoko

wakokokoko…im such a prick…i havent posted anything for more than a month…argh

nway, updates? here's a shorter version:

~ became an english tutor for three months

~ almost got hitched last 07/07/07…oh yeah, its because of the date…good thing i stumbled on our way to the judge, hence, i came back to my senses…lol

~ became a bum for a month…life's good…wehehehe

~ had a semi mid-life crisis…whatevs

~ currently in a funk…what else is new?

~ currently starving my self to death inorder to lose weight …again, what else is new?

~ currently contemplating on getting my own domain…thus, ive been transferring my archives like crazy 

~ severely promises to update this blog more often…i swear! 

~ lastly, as of 30 minutes ago, im currently trying to finish a powerpoint presentation formy job application…yech

***

i swear ive been trying to post something here for the past 2 weeks but the thing is, im always at loss of words…i think becoming a bum has bad effects on me…besides from getting fatter by the minute, i lose all sense of self-preservation and whatever inkling of knowledge i have in writing…thus, whenever online, i find myself chatting incessantly with my fellow bums and drooling on food sites…but im a bum no more! i resolved that i have to make something out of my life while im still at it…i admit, i encountered a major bump on my way there and was sidetracked to a series of unproductive stints that only made me more of a prick as each day goes by…

…you just wait, bright and shiny meredith is almost awake…

nway, shout out to everyone who's been leaving me comments even if i was non existent…i really, really do appreciate that and that's one of the reasons im back…

more of happysarah in the future!

note: since im thinking of getting my own domain, i better have a domain name ready…i just can't decide…HELP!

1 happysarah.com

2 sweetpotato.com

3 summerdreaming.com

4 bananacute.com

…so, would it be domain 1, 2, 3 or 4??!! too many choices, too little time! LOL

ta'ta! 

teaser!

im still alive!

wehehe…haven't blogged in a while…

been enjoying teaching too much! im lovin it! i never thought i'd enjoy it this much!

well ive already prepared a long post for my 2nd comeback to the blogging world but will post it in a week or so…

hope eveything's warm and sunny and happy! see yah all! 

hello bright and shiny

its been 4 weeks…a month since my last post…

a lot has happened…

a lot has changed…

ive changed…

first off, im no longer a call center slave…im no longer chained to a desk for 10 hours a day/6 days a week wasting my life…ive finally had the courage to give it up…braving all consequences, i resigned and vowed never to go back to a life of monotony, stress and pressure…i wanna live life, and yes, im finally living life again….

this happened not more than 3 weeks ago…i decided not to write about it then because during that time, i really didn't know what i wanna do with my life…i was still in a sea of turmoil and confusion but beneath that all, i was also free and at peace…but i knew that i can't be a bum forever…i can't be watching television and Grey's Anatomy for weeks and weeks…i can't be sleeping my eyes out all the time…i can't be on vacation mode my whole life…i just waited for the right moment to live again…

and while waiting, i thought of reviewing my life as a corporate slave for the past 2 years…i went through my archives and reminisced all the anger and frustrations i had….

i remembered all the work-induced craziness and screaming my head off day by day…

i remembered senti moments, going to hell and back while at the office…

i remembered the story of the assuming clipboard lady and the pop-up massacre saga…

and of course, the endless drama of the i-hate-this-job entry…

there's software madness and waiting for a miracle in moments of sheer stress

oh and did i ever tell you about the cyborg that finally came back to human form?

and all those frustrations wherein even if i tried so hard it didn't matter at the end…

there's the mandatory weekly ranting that goes along with hell week…and why going on break 4 minutes early is important…

and lastly, who can forget my turning points? when i spoke about the dreaded 3-D's and the infamous dark and twisted vs. bright and shiny entries…

it was gradual but yes, COURAGE hit me in the face at some point…i finally had the COURAGE to move on with my life…do what ive always wanted to do and become what ive always wanted to become…

im finally a WRITER again…

not some an assuming writer whose work for the previous 2 years has been limited to posting blog entries…

im finally a WRITER again…

how?

Three weeks into my bum moments, i was givena chance to write for a local Business Newsletter…not only that, i was offered to edit it! so yeah, bum-girl suddenly becomes Editor-In-Chief of a periodical…

and life's not through with me…

i've always wanted to teach writing…creative writing…to be able to impart a skill which i believe can be honed through practice and continuous positive urging… 

i was given a chance to teach English to young Korean students. at first i thought that its gonna be difficult due to the language barrier…but i was dead wrong…it was the most fulfilling job i have so far…to be an instrument in helping someone is such a gift…it feels good everytime my students are able to answer my questions or if they're able to write good paragraphs and especially when they themselves let me know that the lectures i give out are clear and precise…and such sweet people! all my assumptions about Koreans went down the drain…they're just a bunch of carefree and easy-going people in the outside but inside, they have good hearts and deep souls…before when i worked at the call center, i had to push myself to go to work…but now, i look forward every morning…i look forward to teaching…i look forward to spending another day with my students…

yes, ive finally become bright and shiny Meredith Grey…

airsoft update

back again!!!! pardon for the mega emo post i had last time but it helped to burst out some of that frustration here in my blog. anyway, ive promised a kadillion times that id post some latest pix of the previous airsoft games ive attended and so here they are! if you notice, i dint bother to crop the pix because yeah, im lazy like that. hope you enjoy especially those interested with the sport!

P.S. since the photos were not cropped properly and probably looked sucky here on my main page, may i suggest for you guys to just leer at them at my album by clicking any of the pix. thanks!

GEARING UP!

GROUP PIC!

BRIEFING BEFORE THE GAME

SCOUTING FOR A GOOD HIDING PLACE…HEHE

THE SENIORS OF TEAM A.T.R.U. (AIRSOFT TACTICAL RECON UNIT)

PHOTO OPS!

PHOTO OPS ULI!

IN BETWEEN GAMES

BROKEBACK!

PHOTO OPS ULI ULI!

THE GAME MARSHALLS

GEARING UP AGAIN

GROUP PIC WITH THE OTHER TEAMS

STOLEN SHOT (DAW?)

PA-CUTE MOMENTS

CAMWHORES

FOREVER CAMWHORES

THAT'S ME IN THE MIDDLE!

TESTING GUNS

RESTING IN BETWEEN GAMES

dark and twisted vs bright and shiny

my last post was soo lame by all standards. that's because for the past few days, ive been on a rut. sucked inside a black hole of misery. i promised to post airsoft pix but since the guy in charge of updating our airsoft forum hasn't uploaded the pix yet (yes people, we all have day jobs, and we play airsoft like mad everytime time permits cuz we're airsoft addicts like that) so for now, il regale you on the recent boring life of an overworked and depressed corporate carabao (yeah, i like that term…corporate carabao…love it).

first, a confession. ive been AWOL from work for 5 days. i stayed holed at my mom's place watching GAME KNB? and  Betty La Feya and those cheesy soaps mother love to watch during the sleepy afternoons. i stuff myself endless with my mom's cooking and sleep my eyes out till almost evening where i had to push myself home to await my Be's arrival from work. during all that time, ive been thining and rethinking the type of carreer i have. call center is no joke. we don't sit on our asses all day and wear our throats dry. we actually deal with problems…software malfunction, irate customers and endless ranting and bitching and raving of unsatisfied homo sapiens from halfway around the world. no wonder i myself am a ranting and raving bitch during my mundane moments. in short, im tired. im so stressed out i had to fight to keep my sanity intact. but because ive recently experieced what i call my semi-insanity moment, i dint report to work, dint call or text any of my workmates or supervisors and turned off my cellphone most of the time. i was awaiting termination. ive had it. im so over it. i emailed my dad on the 3rd day of isolation and detailed to him how depressed i am and how sick i am of my job and that would he please, pretty please, take me away from here. his reply the next day was a stunner. i quote, verbatim:

It’s bad to hear that nothing happened with your sacrifices in that company. Don’t resign yet until you find another suitable company to transfer with, and then use that as a bargaining leverage against your present company. Once you are in such position to bargain, give them a ‘TAKE IT OR LEAVE” only choice. For now, you have no option but to persevere, and don’t forget that it’s easier to look for another job while still EMPLOYED. For now, try to just take it easy. Your worrying will not help you in any way. Relax and try to be composed and avoid being problematic because you are still very young, smart, and lot of future ahead of you!

i almost burst into tears after reading his email. typical of my papa. always the silver lining on my dark clouds. always the sunshine that bursts into my stormy days. always the fighter. always the best friend who seemed to know the exact words to say whenever im ready to give things up.

so yeah, im sticking…but only for now. come monday, il be calling in to follow-up on that interview i did not show up to and to check if that Trainer position is still open at that other company.

im moving on.

second, i almost bailed out on me and my Be. bailed out as in packed my bags at 10 in the evening and ready to take a hike under the rain  and eventually throw away 3 years of laughter, pain, happiness and dreams…with a wedding in the works in about 8 months and a solid relationship that already forged 2 families together in danger of going down the drain…

why? its complicated.

what's the keyword? almost.

so after almost 3 hours of crying and bashing and screaming and more crying and anger and throwing hurtful words at each other, i resolved to stay put. it was difficult…it was heart-wrenching and a scene that you can almost tear out from a romance novel. we were both hurting. we were both angry. i was ready to give it all up but he was not. i guess it was all the stress from work, the wanting to get away from it all that's finally hurting not only my sanity but my relationship with my Be. so insane as i was, it was a blessing that he wasn't. so after almost 3 hours of rage, there was peace. although we haven't resolved it 100% yet, we're working on it. there's not much hugging and kissing after this fight, but there's definitely understanding.

we're moving on.

so there you have it. everything's so complicated and scary for me for the past few days. ive become a dark and twisted Meredith Grey. i don't want to be dark and twisted. i wanna be bright and shiny Meredith Grey. bright and shiny.

same same, old old

back again. played airsoft last sunday. was sore allover and slumped on the sofa watching grey's anatomy on monday. played airsoft again on tuesday. i live for airsoft. pix are yet to be uploaded. so il post again next time with pix. 

geeezzz what a total lame-o…this post, not me.

try to come back in a week or so and i promise you il regale you with a decent post.

promise.

cross my heart and hope to die…whateves…

blah blah blah

i have a terrible hang-over. i came to work 4 hours late. im now waiting painfully for 4:30 to arrive so i can rush home and lay comatose in bed. i hate working on weekends. i especially hate hang-overs on weekends. blah blah blah. bummer.

im aliveeeeeeeeee

yey belated happy birthday to me! turned 24 last saturday (the 14th) and gaahh…i feel old.

nway been neglecting my blogging duties for a few weeks now. i don't have an excuse, except that i did finish a mile- long post yesterday which i scrapped because well, it was tooo lengthy and it was just a long story of how my past weeks have been. so yeah, i deleted it and since im finally posting something today i decided to put up a quick list on how my past weeks have been.

:~: spent holy week with my Be's family. and sorry for me, nope we dint go down to manila or pampanga, the family came up here in baguio. because we had to work. yes, i had to go to work from holy monday to good friday. its a pathetic life i have.

:~: had a simple birthday celeb. no wild parties. no drinking sprees. yeah because ive become lame like that. nah not really. the initial plan was for us to go down to my lola's place in La Union and go swimming. just me and my Be. but with all the hulabaloo at the office (with my coach being forced to resign and one of my close friends at the office decide to get a life and resign as well) and all that family gatherings because of holy week, i decided that i wanna stay home and just get a decent shut-eye.so i just cooked almost 2 kilos of my Tuna Baked Mac which we packed and gave away to friends, office mates and family. went to my mom's place with the same said mac, what's left of the fish fillet i made the night before and a huge tub of ice cream complete with marshmallows and colorful sprinklers. went home early. slept early. attended an airsoft game the next day and got a red pelt on my left hand due to playing without gloves. since i still feel tired (like pregnant tired…as if i know how that feels), left the gamesite by 5PM. went home and watched Survivor FIJI. went back to town to buy a DVD and Yellow Cab Pizza. was asleep again by 1AM. my Be had to go to work the next day while im left home the whole day to lounge around and be depressed. im not feeling my 24th birthday. ugh. must be the weather.

:~: im ready to give up trying to be happy in this company. last night, i updated and polished my resume and emailed it to 2 other companies both located here in baguio. im crossing my fingers that i get a positive reply soon as possible. before i completely lose my sanity.

:~: oh, oh i remember something that really made my day last saturday. when i arrived home last saturday (which was of course, my birthday) , i was greeted by my Be (who was supposed to be at work) singing a happy birthday like a retard still wearing his pantulog shorts and his hair shooting up in all directions. it was a funny sight. he was so cute with his bagong gising look and swaying side to side while singing me my birthday song. loovvvee…

oh well…obviously, im really bored. im still here at the office checking my email every 10 seconds in hope that i get a reply on those companies i applied for last night. il just gather my happy spirit together in maybe post something sunshinier tomorrow. ciao!

summer’s on!

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

im over with that 3-D-Syndrome i wrote about on my last post. im sooo over it. ive let it out so its time to move on.

summer's on!

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like i said on my last post, this is my month…MY MONTH!

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yeah ive changed my lay-out. i don' t wanna overdo it with the yellow-theme-thing-its-summer-theme so i just settled for something simple. just a change. a cute, little change to take my mind away from the reality that is work. like it?

***

i actually decided to write this post with no definite topic. just stuff here and there.

first up, watched Bridge to Terabithia last saturday with my Be. if you love Finding Neverland, you'll dig this one. my Be slept halfway through the movie (cuz its not his thing) while me, i got sucked into the movie. the ending was great (for me, it is). it may have a tragic ending (spoiler alert!) but it came through. its the type of tragic ending of a movie where you don't feel robbed of a deserving ending. its heart-warming.

***

next stop, American Idol. and yes, il talk about Sanjaya. i love him. he may not be an amazing singer but i love him. and seems like lately, he's become the Idol that everyone's having a love/hate relatioship with. he's wicked. eccentric and totally himself. basta, i love him. period.

***

last up, Amazing Race All Stars. its not a secret that im a big fan. one of my goals is to be able to atleast try joining Amazing Race Asia (will try to send an application for Season 3). not much to say bout it cuz its better to catch an episode of it (9PM every Monday at AXN) except that its really one ofmy favorite shows and im still heartbroken because i haven't completed collecting DVD's for all of its previous seasons (im working on it!).

like i said before, i usually pick my favorite teams halfway into the season. and the winners are:

The Beauty Queens: Dustine and Candice

The Other Beauty Queens: Oswald and Danny.

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nway, our company will be holding its annual sportsfest and they're finally including Airsoft as one of the events! yey! will most definitely join. it would surely feel good to land some BB's (pellets) on one of my supervisors' faces! lolz.

the dreaded 3 D’s

its April! my month! my birthday's in 2 weeks…gah another reason not to act like a 7 year old.

***

dint go to work for 4 days. was sick again. i guess that whole diet thing has weakend my immune system so im taking precautions this time (read: vitamins). but underneath the on/off fever, nausea and migraine i know the real reasons for feeling like crap: im am DEPRESSED, DEMOTIVATED and DEAD-TIRED.

Depressed. im having this phase again. a feeling that my life faced a dead end. i try to envision my future and all i see is me married, with a kid and still enslaved in some office prison that is slowly eating up my spirit. that, or me managing a modest business that is definiely light years away from the Zobels or Sy's who also manage their own businesses and get to live on top of the world. i remember when i used to see myself as a succesfull carreer woman whose on top of her game. someone who does not have time to be depressed because work is too much fun to feel depressed. im not ranting, im just saying. or better yet, im trying to wake up my old self whose been on a very long slumber. i don't blame anybody on why ive become like this. there may be people and instances that has driven me to my current condition but im not an ignorant 6 year old. i should have snagged the wheel and drove through life on my own. i think il finish my driving lessons. i want to drive through life again, with me on the wheel.

Demotivated. you know the feeling when you try so hard, so fuckin hard that it breaks your heart to see all you've worked for shunned away because still, its not good enough? or you suddenly feel that things are becoming sunshinier because hey, the clouds has finally parted but after a few seconds a looming storm suddenly steals your sunshine? or when you finally get to enjoy something you loathe doing because somebody has finally motvated you in amazing ways but in the end, that somebody was snatched away because damn, you seem to be enjoying too much? bottomline is in this world, there are definitely a few good men left. hateful power trippers…

Dead-tired. im sick of all these. i want to work and feel like ive come to work and be useful and not come to work and feel like im a freakin' african slave driven to endless suffering because some first world country thinks that they're too great to lift a finger so we slaves must cover up their asses. but i don't want to go on and on telling the world howi hate my job cuz yeah it pays well and yeah there are millions of others who are still clamoring to have a decent paying job. so il stop now. bu want the workd to know that im dead-tired. when i die, i wanna be reincarnated as a table dog, a cute and fluffy Shi Tzu who lazes away all day. that would be the life.

leaving my vacation spirit and other oddities

back again! arrived here in baguio last tuesday night. grabe ang haggard. its been 3 days but i still feel so exhausted. and the crazy climate we have right now's not helping (super lamig in the morning, super init during lunchtime, windy in the afternoon and back to super lamig all night long) along with the feeling of laziness hovering over me like a cloud (ive been on vacation for 5 days, you don't expect anybody who's been on total bliss for 5 days to easily be on work mode again just like that)…so yeah, im just ranting.

so what happened in manila? nothing much. dint even shop that much (or make that dint shop at all). the heat was too much for me on the first day that i just slept through it all morning. my Be had to drag me out of bed by lunchtime. supposed to play airsoft somewhere but i was feeling nauseous from the trip and not really in the mood to do anything. and the thought of donning a complete battle gear and run around under scorching heat dint sound appealing at all, so i had to pass. but there's one thing i could not NOT do while in manila, and that is to eat at Ma Mon Luk. yeah im a sucker for authentic chinese food (not the chowking-type-assuming-chinese-food) and Ma Mon Luk have the best mami and siopao (well for me, it is). so since we're headed to divisoria anyway to look for airsoft stuff, we went to the Ma Mon Luk located at Ongpin (it was a good thing i read about it changing its name to Ma Ku Si…thanks snglguy!) and had a feast! i was so full, it was almost 2pm and the warm weather made me so drowsy i could sleep then and there. but my Be's not through with me. we went to Carriedo where we found more stalls selling airsoft guns and stuff. so there. believe it or not, the shopper in me died that day. when i got back here in baguio, i was suprised myself when i realized that i only bought 3 items on my stay in manila. ready? 1. olive drab canvass belt (for my Flight Suit BDU) 2. a DVD (The Sentinel) 3. a looonggg loofah. pathetic.

that was my first day. on the second day was my Be's brother's wedding. it was a simple civil ceremony it was over by lunchtime. so we ate somewhere (forgot the exact place but i think the resto's name was Silver Spoon or something like that). it was a very intimate affair, family and close friends only. no crying and ring bearers chasing flower girls. no bridesmaids fighting over the bouquet. no groomsmen punching each other for the garter. i was in fact wearing jeans and a girly top, that's all. after eating, we drove straight home cuz the groom will be having party for his officemates and their other friends at home. while everyone was busy preparing for the party, me and my Be slept all through out the afternoon. yeah you heard it right. we slept for atleast 5 hours. i was playing CountrStrike while visitors poured in (i was Miss Anti-Social that day…must be the heat). we mingled at the party for an hour or so and then i played World of WarCraft until my Be announced that we're going out. we met up with Stephen and Ahmad at Stephen's house at West Av (an airsofter friend) and we talked airsoft, food and more airsoft until everybody realized we were at it for almost 6 hours already so its time for us to go home. slept more. woke up at 9AM. supposed to go home to baguio at 12NN but moved it to 2PM. had 2 penoys, 1 cheeseburger and lots of sleep on the way home. a cold blast welcomed us back at 8PM. i was asleep by 10.

and that ladies and gentlemen, is the most booooring vacation ive ever had.

gawd, il make bawi to myself next month on my birthday. will go to la union and bask on sea, sand and sun. yes, that's definitely a vacation i could look forward to.

things i realized i missed when i went to manila:

1. Krispy Kreme

2. DEC's shrimp  and fish dumplings.

3. DVD shopping galore at Quiapo.

4. goin to Mall of Asia to skate.

5. watch a movie at IMAX.

Pffftt. next time, il make sure i don't forget to bring with me my vacation spirit. next time.

***

it was my off yesterday. me and my Be's off. we were both on house arrest. we feigned stomachache and turned off our cellphones because we couldn't bring ourselves to get out of the house to play airsoft. we got up around 9AM and feasted on leftovers for breakfast (leftovers =  pasta drenched with slightly stewed tomatoes and basil + tuna). watched DVD. had lunch (lunch = fried rice + porkchops). watched more DVD. went back to bed at 2PM. woke up around quarter to 6PM. watched a little bit of TV. had our leftover lunch for dinner. watch more DVD and TV. i went to sleep around 11Pm while my Be followed around 12:30. now how's that for a blissful day off…

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FLASH REPORTS!

Flash Report # 1

we're on a diet. we meaning me and my Be. low carb. we decided that low carb diet is the best option cuz we could still indulge ourselves with meat (basta lean meat!) and not feel guilty after. downside? no rice. no pasta. no bread. no potatoes = no french fries!!! and don't ask why we're on a diet. its complicated. (although we gave in yesterday and had pasta friday night basta vegetarian naman! and had fried rice on saturday.) gah, this low carb diet thingy has finally sunk on me. you won't believe the smile on my face when my Be happily feasted on our thursday night dinner which is composed of red lettuce, tomatoes, cucumber and carrots all thrown together and dressed with a little bit of basil vinaigrette. yeah, salad for dinner. my Be eating green salad for dinner. kill me if we don't lose some weight in 2-3 months.

Flash Report #2

im smoking again. started last friday. bout 2-3 cigs a day. after being clean for more than a year. blame it on the diet. hunger weakens my diet. smoking weakens my hunger. thus, when i smoke i don't get hungry. and besides, i was able to strike a deal with my Be. we promised each other we'd quit once we've attained our desired weight. good deal. quitting's never a problem with me. can't wait.

Flash Report #3

i just found out this morning that my immediate supervisor (or team leader or coach as we like to call them) was forced to resign. why? because of some issues on his monits (monitorings with his agents) and other paperwork related stuff. we think its unfair. those are just numbers and stats and graphs. those are not agents excelling or agents hitting a high Rep SAT every end of the month. those are not agents who enjoy coming to work because their team leader motivates them in ways no other team leaders can or have. its just unfair. makes me wanna resign again. Pffftttt. 

Flash Report # 4

the guys finally uploaded some of our pics from our airsofter friend's wedding and other game pix, so delayed as it is, here they are anyway:

here's a group pic after the game. im the one smiling goofily in the middle. 

here's me and my Be. Clyde at the back and mam tina on the left. as you can see, this is supposed to be a solo picture of me and my Be.

gah, you can't have a decent solo pix when you're with a bunch of camwhores…lolz 

im not on this pic, neither my Be but i liked the way that all the guys are wearing one of our official BDU's (US Acupat) and they're all smiles! 

here's the only decent picture we have as a group on Karl's wedding.  

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pahabol post: i have a new office crushie! *kilig kilig kilig* basta, i heart him. i heart him more than my previous office crushie that lasted only for 3 days. so since he just said hello 2 mins ago, im doing cartwheels on my head and decided to compare my old office crushie to this new office crushie.

comparison 1:

old crushie is suplado while new crushie is super friendly he might hug me if i ask him to (haha! as if.)

comparison 2:

im as tall as old crushie while new crushie is a tad taller than me (yeah, height matters)

comparison 3:

i can't remember seeing old crushie smile, at all. new crushie smiles all the time. when i talk to him, he smiles…when he talks to me, he smiles…when we see each other at the office, he smiles...*sigh*

comparison 4 :

old crushie never talks to me unless talked to. new crushie comes by our bay and says hello atleast 5 times a day. *double sigh*

comparison 5:

ive never eaten/smoked with old crushie. i had lunch once with new crushie and asked if id like to smoke after (thank gawd i was smoking again when he asked me!) *triple sigh*

so as you can see, im all giddy over my new found crushie. just giddy, of course im still getting married to my Be on January, silly.

teehee!