hello bright and shiny
May 30, 2007its been 4 weeks…a month since my last post…
a lot has happened…
a lot has changed…
ive changed…
first off, im no longer a call center slave…im no longer chained to a desk for 10 hours a day/6 days a week wasting my life…ive finally had the courage to give it up…braving all consequences, i resigned and vowed never to go back to a life of monotony, stress and pressure…i wanna live life, and yes, im finally living life again….
this happened not more than 3 weeks ago…i decided not to write about it then because during that time, i really didn't know what i wanna do with my life…i was still in a sea of turmoil and confusion but beneath that all, i was also free and at peace…but i knew that i can't be a bum forever…i can't be watching television and Grey's Anatomy for weeks and weeks…i can't be sleeping my eyes out all the time…i can't be on vacation mode my whole life…i just waited for the right moment to live again…
and while waiting, i thought of reviewing my life as a corporate slave for the past 2 years…i went through my archives and reminisced all the anger and frustrations i had….
i remembered all the work-induced craziness and screaming my head off day by day…
i remembered senti moments, going to hell and back while at the office…
i remembered the story of the assuming clipboard lady and the pop-up massacre saga…
and of course, the endless drama of the i-hate-this-job entry…
there's software madness and waiting for a miracle in moments of sheer stress
oh and did i ever tell you about the cyborg that finally came back to human form?
and all those frustrations wherein even if i tried so hard it didn't matter at the end…
there's the mandatory weekly ranting that goes along with hell week…and why going on break 4 minutes early is important…
and lastly, who can forget my turning points? when i spoke about the dreaded 3-D's and the infamous dark and twisted vs. bright and shiny entries…
it was gradual but yes, COURAGE hit me in the face at some point…i finally had the COURAGE to move on with my life…do what ive always wanted to do and become what ive always wanted to become…
im finally a WRITER again…
not some an assuming writer whose work for the previous 2 years has been limited to posting blog entries…
im finally a WRITER again…
how?
Three weeks into my bum moments, i was givena chance to write for a local Business Newsletter…not only that, i was offered to edit it! so yeah, bum-girl suddenly becomes Editor-In-Chief of a periodical…
and life's not through with me…
i've always wanted to teach writing…creative writing…to be able to impart a skill which i believe can be honed through practice and continuous positive urging…
i was given a chance to teach English to young Korean students. at first i thought that its gonna be difficult due to the language barrier…but i was dead wrong…it was the most fulfilling job i have so far…to be an instrument in helping someone is such a gift…it feels good everytime my students are able to answer my questions or if they're able to write good paragraphs and especially when they themselves let me know that the lectures i give out are clear and precise…and such sweet people! all my assumptions about Koreans went down the drain…they're just a bunch of carefree and easy-going people in the outside but inside, they have good hearts and deep souls…before when i worked at the call center, i had to push myself to go to work…but now, i look forward every morning…i look forward to teaching…i look forward to spending another day with my students…
yes, ive finally become bright and shiny Meredith Grey…
airsoft update
May 21, 2007back again!!!! pardon for the mega emo post i had last time but it helped to burst out some of that frustration here in my blog. anyway, ive promised a kadillion times that id post some latest pix of the previous airsoft games ive attended and so here they are! if you notice, i dint bother to crop the pix because yeah, im lazy like that. hope you enjoy especially those interested with the sport!
P.S. since the photos were not cropped properly and probably looked sucky here on my main page, may i suggest for you guys to just leer at them at my album by clicking any of the pix. thanks!
GEARING UP!
GROUP PIC!
BRIEFING BEFORE THE GAME
SCOUTING FOR A GOOD HIDING PLACE…HEHE
THE SENIORS OF TEAM A.T.R.U. (AIRSOFT TACTICAL RECON UNIT)
PHOTO OPS!
PHOTO OPS ULI!
IN BETWEEN GAMES
BROKEBACK!
PHOTO OPS ULI ULI!
THE GAME MARSHALLS
GEARING UP AGAIN
GROUP PIC WITH THE OTHER TEAMS
STOLEN SHOT (DAW?)
PA-CUTE MOMENTS
CAMWHORES
FOREVER CAMWHORES
THAT'S ME IN THE MIDDLE!
TESTING GUNS
RESTING IN BETWEEN GAMES
dark and twisted vs bright and shiny
May 12, 2007my last post was soo lame by all standards. that's because for the past few days, ive been on a rut. sucked inside a black hole of misery. i promised to post airsoft pix but since the guy in charge of updating our airsoft forum hasn't uploaded the pix yet (yes people, we all have day jobs, and we play airsoft like mad everytime time permits cuz we're airsoft addicts like that) so for now, il regale you on the recent boring life of an overworked and depressed corporate carabao (yeah, i like that term…corporate carabao…love it).
first, a confession. ive been AWOL from work for 5 days. i stayed holed at my mom's place watching GAME KNB? and Betty La Feya and those cheesy soaps mother love to watch during the sleepy afternoons. i stuff myself endless with my mom's cooking and sleep my eyes out till almost evening where i had to push myself home to await my Be's arrival from work. during all that time, ive been thining and rethinking the type of carreer i have. call center is no joke. we don't sit on our asses all day and wear our throats dry. we actually deal with problems…software malfunction, irate customers and endless ranting and bitching and raving of unsatisfied homo sapiens from halfway around the world. no wonder i myself am a ranting and raving bitch during my mundane moments. in short, im tired. im so stressed out i had to fight to keep my sanity intact. but because ive recently experieced what i call my semi-insanity moment, i dint report to work, dint call or text any of my workmates or supervisors and turned off my cellphone most of the time. i was awaiting termination. ive had it. im so over it. i emailed my dad on the 3rd day of isolation and detailed to him how depressed i am and how sick i am of my job and that would he please, pretty please, take me away from here. his reply the next day was a stunner. i quote, verbatim:
It’s bad to hear that nothing happened with your sacrifices in that company. Don’t resign yet until you find another suitable company to transfer with, and then use that as a bargaining leverage against your present company. Once you are in such position to bargain, give them a ‘TAKE IT OR LEAVE” only choice. For now, you have no option but to persevere, and don’t forget that it’s easier to look for another job while still EMPLOYED. For now, try to just take it easy. Your worrying will not help you in any way. Relax and try to be composed and avoid being problematic because you are still very young, smart, and lot of future ahead of you!
i almost burst into tears after reading his email. typical of my papa. always the silver lining on my dark clouds. always the sunshine that bursts into my stormy days. always the fighter. always the best friend who seemed to know the exact words to say whenever im ready to give things up.
so yeah, im sticking…but only for now. come monday, il be calling in to follow-up on that interview i did not show up to and to check if that Trainer position is still open at that other company.
im moving on.
second, i almost bailed out on me and my Be. bailed out as in packed my bags at 10 in the evening and ready to take a hike under the rain and eventually throw away 3 years of laughter, pain, happiness and dreams…with a wedding in the works in about 8 months and a solid relationship that already forged 2 families together in danger of going down the drain…
why? its complicated.
what's the keyword? almost.
so after almost 3 hours of crying and bashing and screaming and more crying and anger and throwing hurtful words at each other, i resolved to stay put. it was difficult…it was heart-wrenching and a scene that you can almost tear out from a romance novel. we were both hurting. we were both angry. i was ready to give it all up but he was not. i guess it was all the stress from work, the wanting to get away from it all that's finally hurting not only my sanity but my relationship with my Be. so insane as i was, it was a blessing that he wasn't. so after almost 3 hours of rage, there was peace. although we haven't resolved it 100% yet, we're working on it. there's not much hugging and kissing after this fight, but there's definitely understanding.
we're moving on.
so there you have it. everything's so complicated and scary for me for the past few days. ive become a dark and twisted Meredith Grey. i don't want to be dark and twisted. i wanna be bright and shiny Meredith Grey. bright and shiny.
same same, old old
May 2, 2007back again. played airsoft last sunday. was sore allover and slumped on the sofa watching grey's anatomy on monday. played airsoft again on tuesday. i live for airsoft. pix are yet to be uploaded. so il post again next time with pix.
geeezzz what a total lame-o…this post, not me.
try to come back in a week or so and i promise you il regale you with a decent post.
promise.
cross my heart and hope to die…whateves…
