i felt like i was spongebob. mouth-brain. 

i felt like i was patrick star. brain-dead.

i felt like i was plankton. no-brain

that’s what you get from watching too much spongebob during a brain melt down period due to overwork and undersleep syndrome. and yes, these are the main reasons why i simply, simply couldn’t string a single sentence together whenever i set aside 30-minutes of my time to write a post. my 30-minutes is then consumed staring at the monitor, counting how many times na cursor will blink until i feel so absorbed with the screen that my eyes will grow heavy and i will decide to just take a quick power nap for 20 mins. that happened for 2 consecutive days. its scary.

like…right…now…

fuck…i…completely…forgot…what…i…was…supposed…to…blog…about…

darn.

maybe next time. promise. hit me hard in the head next time i forget.

~.~

i just realized something.

you can’t read bob ong’s stainless longganisa while listening to the eraserheads anthology cd. that’s a big no-no. they just don’t go together. there should be a special time for reading bob ong and there should be a special time for indulging on good ‘ole eraserheads. period.

~.~

i have a very special friend. super whooper special friend online. his name is ivan. he’s the sweetest kid in the whole wide world. he’s 19. he’s a filipino who grew up in dubai. he calls me honey and sweetheart. he confides in me. he tells me his frustrations. he asks for advice on how to handle girls. and he is very very very very close to my heart.

he wakes up in the wee hours so he can go online so that there would be somebody i can make kulit with while at work.

he made my insane working hours bearable.

for almost 10 months he kept me company even if he is a kadillion miles (well maybe not kadillion) away from me.

he’s one very sweeet kid and it breaks my heart that starting this week he might not be online anymore the same time as i am.

his parents are concerned that he’s always puyat and that it might affect his health.

i completely understand them. but its just so sad.

it feels like my boyfriend suddenly decided to break up with me and cut all forms of communication. that’s how close we are.

not intimate close but special close.

il miss that kid when im pulling out my hair here at work.

~.~

ivan’s last message before he logged out on our probably last time to chat:

Ivan: bsta take care ka palagi wag mag­papa­god ok? pag may sakit wag pilitin ok?

isn’t he the sweetest?

i think im gonna cry.

day off! day off! day off!

teehee. sabi ko nga. exciting. excited na ako mag day off. its the season to be jolly nanaman. kahit 1 day off lang carry na. tutal wala rin lang si geebee. wala akong kukulitin. magpapaka-comatose na lang ako buong sunday maghapon magdamag. sleep lang. sleep lang ng sleep. haayyy. exciting. excited na akong matulog. imagine.

teehee. di bale. next weekend eh 2 day off naman. saturday-sunday. san ka pa? mag faint ka na. super happy dahil makakasama ko si geebee for 48 hours na walang iniisip na trabaho. na kesyo kelangan kong maka 6 hours sleep para inde windang pagpasok sa trabaho. na kesyo ngawit na katawan ko’t gusto nang mahiga na lang. na kesyo mahapdi na ang mga mata ko sa katititig sa monitor ng sampung oras. haayyy. nakakaiyak. naiiyak ako sa tuwa.

teehee. 1 month. 4 weeks. ganyan katagal akong nagtrabaho ng iisang araw lang ang day off. dahil yung isa ay sinakripisyo ko. pumapasok ako kahit day off. isa akong martyr sa trabaho. in short, sira ulo. pero ganyan talaga. kelangan may effort. dahil kung walang effort eh walang kwenta. baka mauwi lang sa corny na ending ang buhay-trabaho mo. period.

teehee. so feeling mo gustong gusto ko na ang  trabaho ko. feeling mo lang yun. dahil nagkakamali ka kung iniisip mong tanggap ko nang nag aral ako ng halos 5 taon kung paano gumawa ng kahindik-hindik na pelikula o magsulat ng makabagbag damdaming kwento o mag-imbento ng kahalagahan ng paggamit ng toilet paper at hahaluan ng magandang saliw hango sa lito camo’s greatest hits para bumenta….para lamang magturo sa mga engot sa paggamit ng internet gaya ng kung papaano mag right click sa mouse nila. bangungot. pero unti-unti ko na rin itong isinasalin sa sistema ko. wlaa naman sigurong masama kung biglang umangat ang posisyon ko at mag desisyon akong eto na, this is it, I HAVE FULFILLED MY CAREER PATH! bow.

teehee. simple lang naman ang dahilan at nilalaman ng post na ito. inde na ako mapakali. day off ko. 5 araw pa at 2-day off na. isa pa, simula na ang flower festival sa weekend na yun. madami nanamang gagalaan. halos kiligin ako sa tuwa. sana wag akong mag faint.

makakain nga ng ice cream mamya ng maibsan ang matindi kong pagnanasa sa 2-day off na yan.

pakshet wala kasi si geebee kaya ice cream na lang.

haha! wag mag-isip ng masama, magagalit si lola.

leche. napaka nonsense na ng post na ito.

masaya lang talaga ako. ibang level ako kung sumasaya. napapasulat ako sa sariling wika.

teehee.

tv time was practically non-existent for me. well maybe except when i flop in front of the screen and pop good ‘ole spongebob series dvd for my viewing pleasure. yes, i try to indulge myself nowadays with toon nonsense that can make me laugh because my brain is on a meltdown mode everytime i come home from work. and id be lucky if i even have the power to sit through 10 minutes of pure tv entertainment without fainting because most of the time i just collapse in bed and be comatose for atleast 6 hours before waking up again and turn into a certified work whore.

so when i surfed into inq7.net awhile ago just for the heck of it, i was stunned by what i saw.

SWALLOWED BY THE EARTH
33 dead, hundreds missing in Leyte mudslides

the landslide occured at around 10 a.m. around that time when im either rooted on the couch watching spongebob and patrick on theri stupidest glories or im buried deep in my bed travelling to neverland. during that time, when im safe and sound at home with no other worries but getting enough sleep for work, mountain broke and mud came rushing ending lives…and hopes.

one can’t help but feel grieved. we haven’t fully recovered yet by the outrageous ultra tagedy, and now here comes a new subject for debates. nevertheless, we’re given another chance to help each other…

~.~

ha! 4 perfect surveys month to date! my coach is going crazy with it. im moving upthey ranks week after week! wooohooo!

~.~

im here. you’re there. im there. you’re here. where are you?

i have a lot in mind that i wanna blog about. well actually, that’s an understatement. because there’s too many. i haven’t posted anything worth reading for the past week and too many has occured in that short span of time.

i got married. became pregnant. gave birth. became a widower. had a may-december affair. travelled the world and invented a diet pill that saved a lot of hollywood carreers.

nah. that’s a just a 30-second hallucination i had while pecking away on my keyboard.

truth is, for the past week i was able to:

change my blog template (obviously).

gave my phone # to someone.

watched nothing but spongebob series for 5 days straight.

got 2 perfect surveys.

got a failing survey.

managed 2 commendations in a row.

reviewed a pilates work-out cd im planning to use (in the near future, i hope!)

had a fight with geebee.

not speak to geebee for 2 days.

kissed and made-up with geebee.

rant about geebee’s weekend trip to manila.

had a meaningful and really heart-to-heart convo with one of my customers.

moved stations (that’s relocating from one PC cubicle to another at the office).

cried over Just Like Heaven for the kadillionth time.

went crazy over McDonald’s caramel sundae.

missed lunchbreak for 2 days in a row (what an accomplishment!)

is excited over the upcoming 2-days off ill be having.

cooked carbonara.

ate millions of apple pies (yeah that’s an exaggeration).

had coffee with imelda marcos (umm…i think that’s supposed to be part of my hallucination).

so there. some people think im all work but not really. i do have insane moments. anti-work crazy moments. looking at this list, ive realized that hey, i do still have a life, thank god.

….

crap. you know the feeling when you wanted so so so so so much to post something but there is absolutely nothing to blog about?

zero. nada. zilch.

yeah valentine’s day just swept past me with just a faint whiff of the intoxicating smell of red roses and yummy creamy chocolates. roses and chocolates given out to the people around me, not to me. my previous post is a history of why my valentine’s day went haywire. i did not delve into details because….because…i just don’t want to. i might get implicated. hah! good luck.

yeah so maybe you think im being miserable now. no im not. im feeling normal. my day is a boring routine of waking up, having dinner, going to work, taking in calls, logging out, eating lunch and going back to sleep. no valentine’s day yadda yadda yak yak. good enough.

yeah so i was able to blog about something. so insane. i think il shut up now before i completely make a fool of myself.

ZZzzZZZZttTttTtttTTTtt!

me: ayoko nang magpakasal.

yeah that’s me. out of frustration. had a major MAJOR fight with geebee and i just hauled those words back at him. he took it lightly though. like its nothing. but what if i really really don’t like to get married anymore?

im pathetic.

and oh by the way, its valentine’s day. crap.

finally. yihee. well its not that 100% finished yet but i now feel very comfortable with this new lay-out. i like it. well like what ccigaux said, if you’re happy with it then let it be. im happy. so screw whoever says this new template sucks.

back to topic. i wanna try to dissect the new face of my world just for the fun of it and not because i want to convince myself that i love it.

1. the color. its a blue…bluish-green…greenish-blue…light-bluish green something…i might go on forever trying to describe the color in such exactness so il stop now. instead lets have fun. il let you guys decide on the name of my blog template.

2. the background. i assure you guys, i don’t know what kind of worldly spirit possessed me to use such background (read: sexy-girl-with-big-boobs-who-probably-works-as-a-stripper). well the other background that i had up had the same image plus a swirling array of greens and blues which eventually gave me a headache just staring at it. thank you for giving me the go signal to completely take it out.

3. the sidebar. i loovvee the sidebar. i know, i know it looks overdone with all the eeny-weeny thumbnails i used as links to my favorite stuff. but im happy with it. because i gave such effort and and it took me 4, count, 4 days to finish it. and even if it looks too much, il just cover my ears and keep it.

4. the header. that is not actually the complete image. it was cut off. i cut off the lower part because it has a rainbow attached to it. and yes, it has pink butterflies. it looks too girly but i like butterflies so deal with it.

5. font color. is a pale yellow. i aplogize for the blinding color on my other posts. that’s beacuse i posted those stuff when the background for my text is still white. but from now on, my new font color is pale yellow. i heart yellow.

okay, shoot me now.

~.~

and as promised, here’s my bloody post for the now-seems-to-be-dead-issue-that-is-the-ultra-stampede-tragedy:

while reading the newspapers and watching the news, there are only two actions being done on this issue. its either people are blaming each other or nobody is supposed to be blame.

on second thought, who is to be blamed?

do we blame the event organizers for not having a clear eye on what could have happened? they already saw people camping out and sleeping on the streets outside ultra days before the event. haven’t they perceived the large number of audience who are eager to watch willie revillame in person? they knew right from the start that the venue can only accomodate a maximum of 17,000 people whereas 30,000 more are clamoring in the streets…did they ignore this fact and just pushed through the event on the same venue that obviously could not seat such sheer number of people?

do we blame the police and local officials for not cooperating with the event organizers? when the safety and wellnes of the people living in your community is at stake, aren’t you supposed to take responsibilty for these people?

do we blame the audience? these people who are lured to millions of pesos, house and lot, jeepneys, appliance packages and promises that can hurdle them towards a more prosperous life. they see willie revillame like a god, an idol, who can take them away from their miserable life. can we blame them? when their only hope for a better life is a game show that makes it too easy to win cash prizes?

do we blame the government? the president? because opinions are flying everywhere that the ultra stampede mirrors the reality that is a majority of filipinos are driven to poverty. they’ve lost hope on our government that their only hope is wowoweee. 

there’s too many questions. too many people speaking at the same time. tv execs throwing money everywhere. too much politicking going on…when will we finally come together as a nation?

~.~

okay, il channel back to the happysarah mood. i watched Just Like Heaven last week and fell in love. watched the movie 5 times since i bought a copy. there’s something about the simplicity of the movie, the story, the plot, the actors, the acting itself and the lines that moved me. its my new all-time favorite.

also watched spongebob the movie. was able to secure a collection 1 cd that showcases 35 episodes! very very coooool! i love spongebob and patrick star. they’re just so cute and stupid im in love with them both.

was forced to watch fantastic four with geebee. did not really enjoy the movie. i guess i expected too much. but then, johnny storm is one H-O-T guy (if you pardon the pun).

~.~

we’re still on a 6-day work week for 4 weeks straight now and its driving me crazy. im so tired again. very, very tired. but the silver lining on my dark cloudy day is that ive finally redeemed myself when it comes to my stats here at work. im now rank #113 out of 600 agents…whoa, straight 100% surveys, baby!
 

my world is under construction right now. yes, major overhaul. i got bored with the previous template. was itching to put back my old lay-out. until i decided to change everything. i have tons of people and sites waiting to be linked up. i have colorful buttons to load. and i can’t wait.

so for this week, il concentrate on redoing my page and yes, violent reactions are still accepted.

~.~

the ultra stampede that happened last saturday is awful.

i was in shock.

then angered.

there’s a lot i wanted to rant about the incident but il shut up.

for the meantime.

my next post will be as bloody as the said 77 people who were trampled to death

either…

a. its your first time to get lost in my blog.

b. you’re color blind.

c. you’re totally blind.

d. you can’t read.

e. you came from a different planet.

f. you have no idea what the hell you’re looking at right now.

…if you read through this post without giving out any form of reaction like widening of eyes or raising of eyebrows or a quick bout of confusion because where’s the rainbow?!.

yes, you’re currently staring at a new template.

yes, it looks too-digitalized-with-all-the-3d-graphics but still have a tinge of the summery touch.

yes, the header image looks weird, like a sign you’d see on a washroom door that means “this washroom is for couples only.”

yes, i ran out of greens and is oozing with blue-ness.

but…

im giving it a month. or less. and i need your violent reactions. do i keep it or do i morph back on that orange-and-pink-and-yellow-with-funny-rainbow template?

take your vote!

***try going to the archives to view my previous summery-flowery-rainbow template***

either…

a. its your first time to get lost in my blog.

b. you’re color blind.

c. you’re totally blind.

d. you can’t read.

e. you came from a different planet.

f. you have no idea what the hell you’re looking at right now.

…if you read through this post without giving out any form of reaction like widening of eyes or raising of eyebrows or a quick bout of confusion because where’s the rainbow?!.

yes, you’re currently staring at a new template.

yes, it looks too-digitalized-with-all-the-3d-graphics but still have a tinge of the summery touch.

yes, the header image looks weird, like a sign you’d see on a washroom door that means “this washroom is for couple only.”

yes, i ran out of greens and is oozing with blue-ness.

but…

im giving it a month. or less. and i need your violent reactions. do i keep it or do i morph back on that orange-and-pink-and-yellow-with-funny-rainbow template?

take your vote!

i had, what i deem, as the worst call of my life. 3 hours of excruciating nonsense. it seem to be a hopeless issue. the customer can’t open any webpage. all firewalls disabled. he has dsl signal on his modem. network connection okay. can’t even connect on a manual connection.

its a big headache.

then i attempted safemode with networking. he got the login page for safemode. but it stayed there. frozen in time. even mindpower can’t will it to work. im doomed.

so we call his pc manufacturer. gateway tech support answers and surprise surprise, his pc is already out of warranty so they can’t help him unless he pays for this or that or agrees to this and that. well i told the agent to fuck off and dropped the call. i went back to my customer who rebooted his pc and fidgeted with his equipment while i was squabbling with gateway. im left with no choice but try my effing best to get him a webpage. the end is near.

we tried. to troubleshoout using the keyboard. the arrow keys. the tab key. the enter key. it was a nightmare. imagine when you’re trying to type using microsoft word with simply relying on the keyboard shortcuts is already hell, then what do you call troubleshooting a crazed pc on safemode relying only on those damned shortcuts. is there anything worst than hell?

i was half-crying/half-laughing my head off. im twirling my headset cable round and round my fingers. i lay slumped on my chair. or head down on my desk while giving instructions. it is a hopeless case, one of my technical supervisiors says. but what do i tell the customer? i was very succesful in charming him to be transferred to gateway tech support for his obvious pc problem but the bitch pushed him back to me! so now im trying to resolve an issue that is beyond my limits. i am a DSl tech support agent for chrissakes, not a pc technician!

I AM NOT COMPUTER GOD!

but my customer is persistent. he doesn’t want to let go of me. maybe it was a totally wrong idea to sound extra sweet and willing to help. maybe that tone of voice should only be reerved for simple issues like….changing passwords.

so he wants me to play computer god for a day. i think i lost consciousness for a minute because i agreed to give it a try. 

i am not a very religious person, but i summoned the ancient computer spirits to bless me and endow me with enough willpower to go on. so using only the tab and enter key, i tried to give the customer instructions as detailed and specific as i can. im on the thin line of succesfully hyperventilating infront of my pc when finally we were able to log him into the dsl network and open a webpage!

cnn.com! msn.com! google.com!

i was elated. he’s surfing! but toink, he’s surfing on safe mode. so the world came crashing down my shoulders when he insisted that he wanted to go back to normal mode. im back to hell. i know it would be a crucial moment and that we might have to do a system restore. and i need him to check on his mouse or look for a spare one before we continue troubleshooting. happily, the customer obliged. so it took him a good 20 minutes to go from one room to another, open drawers, crash cabinets, crawl under desks and rip open boxes and another suprise surprise, he found a spare mouse. which works, thank god.

but then his pc is proving to be such a pain in the ass. because after a kadillion reboots, it insists on going back to safemode. if only the f8 key on his keyboard can transform itself, it would turn into the hulk and mash us both to pieces. so we tried to do system restore manually, but no, the machine’s just having the time of its day pissing us both off. im ready to burst into tears and kill myself when the customer miraculously was able to boot to normal mode.

a bit more tweaking and off goes his browser, opening up his hompage.

he’s surfing. on normal mode.

i was shaking fom excitement…could this be it? have i finally crossed the borders of my technical skills?

my customer is laughing like a crazy hyena on the other line.

i had him try to surf and…he can! HE CAN! HE CAN SURF!!! ON FREAKIN’ NORMAL MODE!!!

i know i sound eccentric, but if you’ve been trying to help somebody over the phone whose located halfway around the world and it takes you 3 hours to open cnn.com, you’d turn into a freak of nature in a moment.

well i said i deem it as the worst call of my life…bu i was wrong. because by the end of the call and both of us are just speechless and intoxicated with happiness for the mere fact that he can finally go online, he asked to speak to my supervisor.

whoa.

so i was commended.

it was a 3-hour-energy-zapping-brain-melting-call yet i came out of it with a commendation!

im ready to go to bed.