screaming my head off

i usually have burnouts fom consistently doing something after about 2 months or so…but its been barely a month since my last burnout where i cried my eyes out and cursed at every moving object i came upon, and i now again have the feeling of throwing the PC monitor on the first moving object that touches me. im chaotic today. chaotic and ready to throw up.

ive had more than one attempt to end this suffering i call work. but everytime the right moment comes and urges me to piece together a masterpiece that is i call a resignation letter, practicality, or i should say, cowardice, kicks me in the ass. really stings my butt and so i get up from bed and force myself to dress up, amble to work and wonder when will the next burnout be.

where do you buy courage nowadays? i would borrow enough cash from my dad and purchase one. i need one. the courage to write a goodbye letter from this hell-hole. i doubt if i can find one in the SuperMall that sprouted nonchantly in the middle of that hill at the top of session road where lush piney trees used to thrive. or even worst, i don’t think you’d find one in the ukay-ukay where colorful yet smelly merchandise are being peddled in the streets after 6 o’clock. how about eBay? hmmm…not a bad idea.

so as i write this monologue and dread for my first call, i im hounded by an urgency to scream…

AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

i pray that i survive again this day.