ranting…politically

my brain is on an illegal hiatus. or worst, it left me without a trace. maybe it decided that ive been such a dork lately when it comes to posting. oh well, ive been such a dork lately when it comes to writing. ammppfff.

but i want to redeem myself. i want. i want. i want.

here goes.

                                                                        ~.~

title: FRENZIED OVER THE PALACE

nobody can escape politics nowadays. especially not in our country. especially not in the state of chaos our country is in right now. as of this morning, the political facade of our beloved nation has become one big circus. everybody wanted to be in the limelight. everybody wanted to be the star.

chaotic. absurd. unbelilevable.

for a mere audience that i am, it is very disappointing for me to watch the same people who glorified our now-president during her glorious times in the palace be the ones pulling her down to the mud. these, undoubtedly, are the same people who brought down our then movie star-slash-action king ex-president. no, i am not one to give praises to what our present administration is doing. as ive said, i am just a mere observer, frowning in front of the television as i watch each persona spill out their most promising and oscar-worthy speeches just for the sake of justifying their hidden agenda.

yes, everybody wants power, who doesn’t?

but power is driving people crazy nowadays. to the point that they are like wild and uncivilized beings who wanted the meat and not the bones. they thrive in the dark, concocting the best laid plans they can put together. their aim: putting down another political administration. their purpose: putting together their own admistration where they are the kings and queens and we are the pawns. it is a wicked game. and only those who have devious hearts are capable of it. only those whose lives revolve around the idea that a country is a country, it produces and the produce can be transformed into cold, cold cash.

they will never stop, and you will never keep up with them. they have unstoppable energy that purges every inch of their body and soul. it is, as we know it, their heart’s desire. and this desire, once you put your mind and even whole life into it, will continue to burn them and engulf them until they are fully quenched or totally smoldered into ashes.

and we, the mere observers, are the victims. we feel the stab of every knife. we feel that it is our life, our future and our dreams that is the the one being chipped away little by little. we are just a mere observer, but the fireball is directed to us. we are just a mere observer, but are the ones suffering for it. and the most tragic part is, they don’t hear our voice. they don’t hear us when we cry out in pain. they don’t seem to understand that they are sucking the life out of us.

they don’t seem? or maybe…they don’t at all…

all of them…everyone of them should be sentenced to a life long punishment wherein they should rebuild back the glory of this country…

if only this aspiration can be made true in an instant. i wouldn’t have to worry what future my children and children’s children would be facing.

project: dream wedding (part III of many parts) subtitle ~let them eat cake~

i can’t help it. it has become an addiction. those wedding sites, i mean. and i hate it. it has watered down my fire. for writing worthy readings. but im doing it because i think it is a responsibilty. getting married is not as easy as 1-2-3. so to make things a lot nearer to that, i drag myself to all those sites with frilly laces and grand bouquets.

here’s the result of today’s im-about-to-walk-down-the-aisle hunt

it was love at first sight.

purple hills and pink skies

im dumbfounded. overwhelmed. starstruck. speechless. crazy.

the main purpose of me surfing to this art site is to get a new picture or design for my layout. what happened for the next eight hours is ballistic.

i never had the chance to change my layout design. i was stuck. and now my eyes hurt five million times compared to how it felt for the past five months. thanks tho those devious graphic layouts i came upon. thanks to them, i forgot that there’s a world outside deviant art.

so in short, im posting this for the sake of having something to post.

but then, if you have time to go to my galleries, go straight to that one labeled from the www and i bet you’ll beat hell with the wallpapers i have uploaded. yihee.

and also, this is all gelo’s fault. promise. 

project: dream wedding (part II of many parts) ~subtitle: THE DRESS~

THE dress. yeah. i was surfing through that same fab site, saw this dress and fainted. i fainted because i know that in my body’s present state, there’s no way that i could fit in that piece of clothing. and i don’t wanna reiterate and give details on how much ive grown, thank you very much. so if sheer want continue to haunt me and i get delirious just staring at it, i know of the sacrifices i have to do. it means i have to hit the gym bigtime and prevent myself from scoffing down food like there’s no tomorrow (yes, im guilty of gluttony! bwahahahaha!). so as i stare at this picture and feel my heart constrict. *ouch*

project: dream wedding (part I of many parts)

weddings. yes i rememebr posting something about getting hitched. and mind you, i won’t be doing any self-denial stint this time. yes. im excited. i know, i know…its months away. but i can’t help it. im getting fritty every month or week that passes by.

teehee.

i remember being scared of marriage. i grew up with my mom and dad getting to see each other only on once every two years. my dad’s a workaholic who sweats thousands of miles away. my mom’s as paranoid as a bunny being hunted down. so i hope you get my point because i really don’t want to spare the details.

anyhoo, after a couple of years, i grew up and matured (yihee), fell in love and burned, fell in love and stayed the same. so that’s how marrying came in. very quietly. tip-toeing in the middle of the night while im still in neverland. it tugged my heart. made my knees weak.

so enough of the mishy-mushy stuff. time for the details!

so when i say details, it means wedding preparations and all that technical stuff…god, i feel like im 30 years old. but hey, it doesn’t hurt to be prepared. i don’t wanna get married in my pyjamas and holding paper flowers as a bouquet and feeding my guests with calamansi juice and jollibee budget meals. aaaccckkk! total nightmare!

i haven’t put together anything specific yet. just a couple of ideas and pictures, dreams and imaginings.

very, very tacky.

but im torn. would i want an intimate family-and-close-friends-only wedding? or a one-hundred-to-two-hundred-guests wedding? would it be a traditional-filipino-church-wedding? or would it be an eccentric-orange gowns-and-pop-song type of wedding?

aaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!  *boink.

okay, here’s a preview. you can give suggestions/comments/violent reactions. or if you know a really coooooooool wedding site, throw that in too! *winky wink*

my desired theme: whimsical
my mom’s desired theme: ivory classic
my desired motif: tricolor…yellow/orange/pink
my mom’s desired motif: ivory or ecru

well so far that’s the only part wherein my mom has hallucinations that she’s the one getting married…but with all due respect to the woman who bore me with eagerness for nine months, she has to have a say to whatever im planning to do when i walk down the aisle.

and just in case my dream of having a whimsical-themed wedding pursues, i was planning of placing medium-sized fishbowl with two tiny goldfishes as a center decor for the tables. cool, huh?

here’s some pictures i got from the internet. very, very dreamy….

gaaaaahhhh!!! this was supposed to be a neat and organized pasting of pictures but no, all of them…all of them damn wedding pictures are too damn cute to just save and then upload just like that without appreciating it. i mean, if you’re a girl and you swooned over these pics that i managed to upload then you’re feeling what im feeling right at this moment…i don’t wanna paste no more and just click away on all the galleries this absolutely fab site can offer! really, really fab! 

okay, and you might wonder why everything is set to be in center…that’s because i just can’t wait to finish this right now and continue viewing every inch of this fab, fab site. i know i already said that…but…aaaaaahhhh….gotta go…this is killing me!

ill post more later promise. anyhoo, back to that fab, fab site! 

*sprints away!*

bye bye orange, hello green (ewee doesn’t even rhyme..)

kill me now. i was staring at my old layout and i decided that its TOO much.

too orange
too warm
too friendly
too sad
too moody

so i concluded that its time to wipe out that stinging color and replace it with something fresh. something vibrant. something that would make you say, “oohhh that is sooo cute…”

i know, i know. the layout’s not cute at all except that flying pig i put as a separator.

who cares. i loooooooovvvveeee it. including that retarded looking dancing flamingo.

cute. so damn cute.

                                                          ~.~

surprise, surprise! this is my second post for the day! can you fucking believe it?!

i can’t.
im overwhelmed.

reason: work is pretty light. light as a damn feather. very, very surprising. this one has to go down history.

and i loooooooooooovvveeee it. including the fact that i don’t have to worry about customers who don’t know that difference between a left-click and a right-click. yeah.

                                                          ~.~

so you might be a wee bit curious why we don’t have much calls coming in. answer: hurricane wilma that hit the Florida Keys. yes, a majority of our caucasian customers live there and due to the impact of the storm, they are left with no choice but mind their houses being torn by the wind that calling us and cursing us over the phone because they can’t view they favorite pornsite. ahhhh…sweet, sweet revenge.

                                                          ~.~

so i was reviewing my what-to-do wishlist and i realized i typed in something about losing weight. errrr…did i really put that in there? speedy mental flashback brings me back to my wishlisting moments and poof! i did! i typed that in! with my own fingers! using the same keyboard that i type in my notes at work! no! no! no!

beep…beep…earth to sarah…beep…earth to sarah…beep…beep…

too late. its too late. so instead of moping and continued utter self-denial, i submit.

diet. exercise. diet. exercise. diet. exercise. diet. exercise. diet. exercise.

oh. god.

oh. my. god.

please. help. me. god.

cheer for me!

                                                             ~.~

streptococcus a.k.a the cause of my misery

why do i feel better when im sick? i mean, i just love it when my throat hurts and my head feels like its being banged with a hammer. why not? it only means one thing…i have a perfect excuse not to come to work! pathetic. but its true. last friday, i was feeling the symptoms. my throat hurts like hell and i can’t help but bark (cough) after every three words that come out of my mouth. but still, no undertimes for me. it was mini-hell. i finished my 9-hour shift which feels like i was being dragged on the streets with a thick rope around my neck. i logged out at 11 and my feet carried me out of the building as fast as it could.

so on my way out geebee texted me. he wanted me to meet him up at wendy’s. i feel like hell, but i go. once at sm, i decided that im as lazy as a pebble under the sun so i texted him to inform him that i will be waiting for him at the entrance. i don’t want any wendy’s for lunch anyway (or maybe…some side salad?). and after a gazillion years of standing at the entrance waiting for him, he texts back with this answer:

geebee: punta ka na dito wendy’s. nakaupo nako. sige na.
me: tangina! kanina pa kita inaantay! wag mo painitin ulo ko! (i can already feel my throat closing in on me)
geebee: sige na lika na dito.
me: uuwi nako! kumain ka mag-isa mo!

and then just like lightning, geebee appears from nowhere. ahhh..the power of nagging. but sadly, he was able to sweet talk me to lunching at wendy’s. yes, i can’t resist that side salad. ammpphh…

but the story doesn’t end there, he was also able to sweet talk me to watching deuce bigalow: european gigolo. it was a pathetic film most-loved by guys. ewee. i slept half way. remember: my throat hurts big-time. after the stupid film, we proceed to the grocery section to purchase stuff for dinner. as expected we debated and argued on what to cook for dinner. i told him im sick of sm and that im ready to faint any minute. he offers to prepare dinner and i felt better. he purchased this mindless snoop dog buckwild vcd of which i nagged him at again (boys will be boys…aarrgghh). on the way home, as a peace offering to all th suffering i had to deal, he rented miss congeniality 2 for me (because i never had the luxury of time to watch it then).

back at home, we had another minor squabble (i tell you, im a war freak animal whenever i feel sick).

but all’s well that ends well. i had a wonderful weekend (plus monday!) amidst the hellish throat and on/off fever. crazy. eccentric. yes ladies and gentlemen, im back to work. my throat’s better. i only have a minor headache now. but my mind’s still in a puddle. i want a better job to bail me outta here. please. god. help. me.

***note: Among the bacteria that cause sore throats, the streptococcus group A is the most common - often known as ’strep throat’. The incubation period between picking up the infection and the disease breaking out is two to four days - sometimes it can be less.

hello! meet the crazy me

another bleak and stressed-out day…in short, im sorry but i really am craving to write something about the craziness going on in our country right now, a little peek on my insane political views…but no, inasmuch as my brain is zooming with ideas right now, i just can’t seem to put a single sane sentence together. its like all the ideas dancing in my mind is one big blur that i don’t know where to start or where to put a period. but in my wild wanting to post something everyday, i just racked my memories with the following random things about me.

~.~ im a hopeless romantic
~.~ i watch brainless hollywood chick flick movies
~.~ i like reading newspaper broadsheets
~.~ i don’t want drinking water if its not iced
~.~ im goddamn scared of cockroaches *always gives me goosebumps*
~.~ i have such weakness for sweet people
~.~ i totally looooooooovvvveeeeeeeee foreign/indie films
~.~ i used to be such a bully in grade school. when i was in 1st grade, i punched one of my classmates. he’s a geeky boy who howled after punching him. the principal called for my mom. my mom grounded me for a week. haha!
~.~ i was a consistent visitor of the student’s affairs office in college because of my absences. i got friends with everybody there including the dean! teehee!
~.~ i read A Time To Kill by John Grisham for the first time and fell in love with grisham.
~.~ im currently addicted to blinkies. i don’t like posting them. just looking at them. freaaaaakkyyyy!
~.~ im a frustrated archaeologist. my research paper during senior high school is about The Lost Continent of Atlantis. I had a perfect defense. My research teacher did not return my paper.
~.~ i was a cheerleader in highschool. was until sophomore college. rarararararara!
~.~ i experienced running in the streets during rallies and waving flags and banners.
~.~ im getting married soon…very soooonnnn….
~.~ i quit smoking for a month now…and counting…
~.~ i can’t live without my lip balm
~.~ i can’t take a bath without hair conditioners
~.~ even if im dead-tired, i can’t go to sleep without washing my face
~.~ i can eat a whole roasted chicken in one sitting
~.~ i haven’t drank softdrinks in five months
~.~ my initial goal for now is lose weight *can you belive it!
~.~ i can stay awake for 48 hours…*cool*
~.~ i finished reading Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold and cried for 10 minutes after putting the book down
~.~ i watched My Sassy Girl 10 times and cried 10 times
~.~ i am not ashamed of watching pinoy movies in the cinema
~.~ im in love for 2 years already

when you wish upon a star

im so envious. one of my officemates is on a 2-day leave from work. reason: burnout. burnout?!? ive been undergoing burnout for the past 3 months and it never occured to me that i could just cry my baggy eyes out for at least 10 minutes and then tadaa! 2-day work leave for you!

life as i know it now doesn’t work like fairytales…*sigh

zooming back to reality, i sit infront of my PC and peck away on my keyboard for almost 10 hours…my eyes are burning, my throat is dry, my neck hurts and my head is ready to explode. yeah boy, that’s reality.

sometimes when im on my way home from work, i would simply stare at the taxi window and wish. wish. wish. so listen everyone, here’s my wish ko lang list…teehee ^_~

what-to-do wishlist:
1. one week leave from work! (may the gods from the high heavens help me…huhuhuhuh)
2. a weekend getaway with geebee! (anywhere but here!)
3. korean melodrama marathon! (hand me those tissues please! ^___^)
4. snuggle in bed with all five Chronicles of Narnia!
5. TV! TV! TV! TV! TV! TV! (need i say more?)

i-am-a-material-girl wishlist:
1. nano ipod! (i want! iwant!)
2. samsung models SGH-E750 or SGH-E760 (wireless mp3 streaming to a bluetooth headset, baby!)
3. the latest compaq presario  V4000T (naman!)
4. PS 3!!!! (why not? go Suikoden 3!)
5. yung pinewood na dining set na nakita namin ni geebe sa tiongsan! waaahhh!!! bagay sya sa apartment namin!

i-am-craving wishlist:
1. four seasons pizza ng yellow cab! (now na!)
2. mcdo double cheeseburger! awwrr!
3. shrimp and/or fish dumplings ng dec! (kahit na magpantal-pantal ako sa allergy! dedma!)
4. lahat ng pagkain sa kamayan/saisaki! (waaaa! kelan ulit kaya ako makakapunta ng manila??!!)
5. chocolates! junkfood! popcorn! brownies! yum! yum! yum!

so there, god, im near death starving just typing down all those yummy pig fest! and
guys, just contact me for donations, card/cash/cheque is acceptable.. haha!

                                   ***i wish my dad could read this***

passion driven

ive been tremendously lazy lately. verrrryyyy. superrrrr. lazzzzzzzzzzyyyyyy.

it was scary. its like im having one of those things they call writer’s block that completely and utterly diminishes my imagination and want and passion to write or even discuss anything. it seeps though me. claws my soul off and poof! im a meaningless shadow once again…lurking into the night…trying to reach for the light….

well i don’t want to believe that im stuck in this boring blackhole for the rest of my life. this blackhole that continues to suck outthe very juices of my being. i am a writer. was a writer. would be a forgotten writer…

i don’t want to even think that ive lost the passion to do what ive been always wanting to do. yes, i did have the passion before. and even if at some point of my life i feel that i am being dragged deeper into a grave, i don’t want to give it up. because at the end of the day, only my passion will quench my thirst and feed my soul. only my passion will bring life to a lifeless creature lingering for survival in this freaked out world.

i have passion. it is within me. at a given time, it will spark again and engulf me with flames. only then that i can be another phoenix rising from the ashes.

of reasons and idiots

ive been lazy, lazy, lazy….so sue me.

the main reason why i wasn’t posting edible readings for the past few days is because:

1. im too tired (work for 10 hrs at 6 days a week and tell how it feels!!!)

2. lately, my life’s been boring (as a blackboard)

3. im either too happy or too depressed that my brain cells get confused and clam at each other and…and…and…

4. writer’s block (yihee…so using technicalities now huh)

5. i end up counting how many times the cursor blinks (read: potential mental admittee)

6. lazybones…ha!

7. i probably ran out of creative juices…(refill! refill!)

8. im engrossed to changing my friendster lay-out every other hour…so many wallpapers, so little time!

9. id rather surf to all blinkie sites my eyes could afford to open (no wonder i see dots on people’s faces nowadays.)

10. too busy chatting with my office seatmate…seatmate! (googletalk is a one of a kind chatting engine! da best!)

another list of reason is because some of my customers just prove to be as brainless as a piece of stone, thus, the headached and constant migraine, thus, the lack of pieceing together something readable….here some shocking incidents:

me: ma’am may i verify that you dsl # is 2059658862?
idiot 1: correct.
me: will it be a good contact #?
idiot 1: what? you’re gonna contact me? what for?
***i wan’t to believe that they are aware of cotton buds***

me: sir are you using windows for your computer?
idiot 2: no!
me: okay, are you using mac?
idiot 2: no!
me: alright sir, what is your operating system then?
idiot 2: its dell! dell! dell!
***help me god***

me: ma’am could you please clear out your address field?
idiot 3: what?
me: delete whatever is typed in your address field.
idiot 3: oh okay. my address is blah blah blah blah blah…
***wtf???!!***

me: okay sir, are you using a router?
idiot 4: what router?
me: its another device you plug into your modem.
idiot4: no! i only have linksys!
***goddam you!****
fyi: linksys is a brandname of a router.

so that’s it guys and gals! now, there are too many other shocking incidents but i don’t want to get y’all excited. il post some soon!
hope you had the laughs!

ciao! ^_____^

mushy mushy mushy

it was painful.

heartbreak.

it confuses me why you have to do that.

you promised me love.

you promised me sunshine.
you promised me heaven.

you promised me the world.

in return…

i loved you with all my heart.

ive been selfless.

i built my sandcastle around you.

i removed the blindfold from your eyes.

i opened a new world for you.

i sacrificed my happiness…my wants.

i cried when your life hung by the thread.

i forgot that my world is not only composed of you.

in return…

you hurt me.

you stung me with your words.

you stunned me with your actions.

who are you?

i guess…i don’t know you.

or…

i don’t know you anymore.

where are you?

please come back.

im cold.

i need your warmth.

come back.

i will wait.

continue to wait.

waiting…

***so i succumbed to my emotional self and let out tears through words…i felt better….****

KFC

syet. i can’t believe it. for the first time in my five fucked up months at work, i felt happy. good lord. can you believe it? it took me utmost inner power to admit it after yakking on how it has made my life hell and my social-life non-existent.

so because of that ladies and gentlemen, i have this eccentric smile on my face and a craving for a bucket of KFC chicken. goddamit.

anyway, im way too happy to post anything. my brain is way too bubbly and i see chicken legs flashing in and out of my screen.

thank god, its 11. time to logout.

KFC chicken here i come.

raawwrrrr!

work-induced craziness

sick. sick. sick.
stressed. stressed. stressed.
depressed. depressed. depressed.
fucked up. fucked up. fucked up.

in short.

burn-out.

yes ladies and gentlemen, im currently in sitting infront of my office PC, 15 minutes to logging out with a migraine worthy to cease human existence and wishing with all my heart that im at home right now and snuggling in my bed with a good book. aaarrgghh.

work. work work. nothing but work. work. work.

im tired.

god help me.

amazing

i had a wonderful weekend. *sigh

saturday was geebee’s off. i got off from work at exactly 11am and we met up at SM. was supposed to just drop by the grocery to buy something for dinner but ended up lunching outside. amazing. we were actually, after almost three months, able to sit down and talk/eat out. amazing. and since its his off, i slept at 4 in the afternoon instead of the usual 1pm sleeping time since my shift starts at 2am. and so, while i sleep, he goes ahead and whips up a pasta dinner fro me. spaghetti with mushrooms and sweet ham. amazing.

so that was saturday, sunday was better.

sunday was my off, and he’s supposed to go to work. but no, he decides to go absent so we could spend the whole weekend together. amazing. so i got home at exactly 12:30pm and was welcomed with a hug (happy monsary! we are alreadt 1 year and 11 months! amazing!). so he gives me this warm hug and let go of me after about 10 minutes. we had a quick lunch and i decided to just stay home. so we did nothing but tickle each other and run around the house laughing our heads off. until 6 pm came and he asked me out. imagine. dinner and movies. imgaine. who could say no? so with approximately 15 hours of being awake, i swooned and said yes. we had dinner (kudos to kubong sawali for an amazing beef kare-kare!) and then proceeded to catch the last  full show (yes, i admit, we watched dubai because there was practically nothing else being shown…unless you consider land of the dead romantic enough for a date). the movie was finised at 12mn and im 21 hours awake and counting. and as always, we dropped by one of those 24 hour stores and grabbed something to eat then went home. amazing. sunday, i was awake for 22 hours but i never felt so alive for the past few months. it was amazing. and it felt reassuring to still feel kilig even after we’ve been together for almost two years. amazing.

next month we’ll be celebrating our second year anniversary. i can’t wait to have another amazing weekend.

happy, shalalalala, its so nice to be happy, shalalala!!!!

welcome to the new and improved happysarah.i.ph!!!

ang happy noh? ahahahahahahahhahaha

in fairness, natapos ko sya using 9 hours of my shift here at work! ahahaha! so in short, nag multi tasking nanaman ako, meaning hirap na hirap ang kalooban ko sa pagpili ng “the perfect font/backgorund/header” habang nakikipag-debate pa ako sa kostumer ko sa telepono (read: “miss blah blah, as ive told you, i already see here at our system that you are already online! its either something’s wrong with your PC or something’s wrong with you! bwahahahahahahaha).

anyway, im sooooo proud of myself. napagtyagaan ko eh. syempre, dream job eh, kaya natural lang na kahit sumsakit na batok ko at namumula na mga mata ko eh go pa rin sa pag-click ng Apply Changes!

well obviously hyper nanaman ako. at baket hinde? day off naaaaaaahhhhh!!!! leche, day off pa rin dapat ngaun eh, kasi pinapasok pa rin kami….wtf???!!!!! pero okay lang, at least naayos ko tong blog ko…hay stop na nga ng makauwi na ako!

babooooossshhhh!!!!!!!

sarah to earth, earth to sarah (tototototototototot)

busog nanaman ako. grabe. 
isang rice meal.
isang pack ng buttered popcorn.
isang ham and cheese sandwich.
isang apple juice.
isang boteng flavored water.
dalawang boy bawang.
dalawang choco mallows.
sampung chocolate coated cookies.

p.s. nalamon ko lahat yan in a span of five hours. para akong patay-gutom kung
ngumasab. parang mauubusan. parang bibitayin na kinabukasan.

kung tutuusin, naisulat ko na sa nakaraang blog na nananaba na ako. sobra. pinagkakamalan na nga kong buntis eh. subalit sadyang matigas ang ulo ko. mahirap makaintindi. hindi na nga magkasya halos lahat ng pantalon ko eh sige pa rin ang paglamon. nalimutan ang ibig sabihin ng salitang “hinay” pagdating sa pagakain. baliw.

pero hindi yun ang topic ng entry ko ngayon. naisip ko lang gawing intro ang patungkol sa kababuyan ko dahil…dahil… feel ko lang. wag ka nang kumontra. iba level ko ngayon.

anyway, eto na ang totoong topic. trabaho. pero wag kang mag-alala, hindi ko ikukuwento kung papaano nito ginagawang kalbaryo ang buhay ko, kung paanong nagkaka-migraine ako sa araw-araw na ginawa ng diyos, kung paanong naglaho ng parang bula ang social life kasama na ang mga pangarap kong maging presidente ng pilipinas…nge?

eto na, ikukwento ko ang mga alien dito sa opisina. oo, sila ang mga kakosa ko. ang araw araw kong kasamang nagmumuni, nambubuwiset, naaasar, nagyoyosi, nagmumura, naninigaw, umiiyak, nagta-type, nagfre-frendster, nagchachat, nag eemail, nagda-dial attttt nangangarap ng mas masaganang buhay…bow.

oo naman, hinde ako nag-iisa. hindi lang ako ang nagkaka migraine ant sumasakit ang lalamunan. marami kami. sa team namin, pito kami. pitong mga nilalang na nangangarap ng gising, kumakain ng popcorn, nagyoyosi at pumepetiks. pero masaya na rin. baket? because we’re a team! hahahahahahah! haaayyyy….

sila na marahil ang isa sa mga dahilan kung bakit ako nananatili sa mundong ginagalawan ko ngaun. mundo ng mga telepono, internet at nagmumurang kostumer. dahil alam kong pagkatapos ng shift ko ay may ka-relate ako pagdating sa mga kalokohan sa trabaho. iisa lang ang mundong ginagalawan namin eh. iisa lang ang sakit sa ulo namin. at kahit papano, napapangiti nila ako.

sila ang mga ka-team kong alien. iba kami. we’re a team…(tralalalalalala)

ako ay tutula…bow

matapos maging blogger ng halos dalawang taon, ngayon ko lang naisip na cool din pala kung tagalog ang gagamitin ko sa pag-susulat… sabi nga ni Kris Aquino, why not? kaso kasi, hindi ko rin lang mapipigilan maglagay ng mga salitang ingles dahil…dahil… ewan ko, feel ko lang siguro.

kapag nagsusulat ako gamit ang tagalog ay may naalala ako. oo naman, may memories din ako. naaalala ko ang happy days ko sa opisina ng puti’t bughaw. hindi ko maipaliwanag, ngunit, hindi ko mapigilang magsulat patungkol sa mga kabaliwan ko noong isa pa lamang akong estudyanteng manunulat na pilit iniintindi at ipinaglalaban ang karapatan ng mga estudyanteng louisian kahit na 90% sa kanila ay jologs ang tingin samin noon. pero sorry sila, dahil mas makabuluhan malamang ang makibaka kesya makipag-sosyalan. pero sabi nga nila, birds with the same feather flock together…why not? ano daw?

maraming itinuro sakin ang puti’t bughaw (white & blue to be exact). natuto akong matulog sa mahabang lamesa sa ofis lalo kapag galing ako sa overnights. natuto rin ako ng maraming kalaswaan at magturo nito sa mga sumusunod na henerasyon ng w&b writers. nalaman kong masarap ang mabilad sa araw at mausukan ng mga jeep habang sumisigaw ng ‘makibaka!’ natuto akong magnakaw ng mga nakakalat na bolpen, lapis at copon bond. natuto akong makipagsabayan kay papeej kahit na panglamay ng patay ang boses ko. nabuksan ang aking isipan sa mas makabuluhang mga bagay. nalaman kong ang mundo ay hindi bilog. bow.

dahil sa artikolong ito. magsusulat ako ng tagalog na blog once a month. parang newsletter. iyon ay tuwing mahihipan ako ng matinding pagka-miss sa mga baliw sa w&b.

parang gusto ko ulit mag-enrol. hindi para mag-aral ulit. kundi para makatambay ulit ako sa mundo ng puti’t bughaw.

ansaya.

screaming my head off

i usually have burnouts fom consistently doing something after about 2 months or so…but its been barely a month since my last burnout where i cried my eyes out and cursed at every moving object i came upon, and i now again have the feeling of throwing the PC monitor on the first moving object that touches me. im chaotic today. chaotic and ready to throw up.

ive had more than one attempt to end this suffering i call work. but everytime the right moment comes and urges me to piece together a masterpiece that is i call a resignation letter, practicality, or i should say, cowardice, kicks me in the ass. really stings my butt and so i get up from bed and force myself to dress up, amble to work and wonder when will the next burnout be.

where do you buy courage nowadays? i would borrow enough cash from my dad and purchase one. i need one. the courage to write a goodbye letter from this hell-hole. i doubt if i can find one in the SuperMall that sprouted nonchantly in the middle of that hill at the top of session road where lush piney trees used to thrive. or even worst, i don’t think you’d find one in the ukay-ukay where colorful yet smelly merchandise are being peddled in the streets after 6 o’clock. how about eBay? hmmm…not a bad idea.

so as i write this monologue and dread for my first call, i im hounded by an urgency to scream…

AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

i pray that i survive again this day.

fresh mornings and apple-cinnamon tea

lately, ive been gravitated to mundane things like eating corn bits and brownies as if they were meant to be eaten together like cheeseburger and fries. also, there’s the consistent watching of noontime shows that usually appeal to those people who think that answering totally stupid questions with obvious answers is as entertaining as a high rating box office hollywood movie (i roll my eyes while i say this). and of course i can’t deny the fact that i even look forward to watching what the million-peso question is on that noon time game show hosted by a celebrity with a rich historical family background but we see her tackle shallow issues that beset the business that is showbusiness in our country. unbelievable.

there are a lot of things that i used to do that (after a few months) decided to haunt me. it was abrupt. and suddenly demanding. these are the following:

1. sleep my head off (and consciousness) till thy kingdom come.

2. hang out at the white & blue office until the school guards run us out of the building.

3. be a certified mall rat and nap inside (well-cushioned & air-conditioned) movie theatres because there is practically (God knows none) nothing to do.

4. cry and rant and grieve and go kilig over mindless hollywood teen flicks and cheesy korean melodaramas.

5. watch about the latest tabloid chismis and know who’s with who and who impregnated who and a lot more what who’s!

6. live normally. y’know, waking up at 10 in the morning (not evening) and going to sleep at 11 in the evening (not morning).

so, ive been working my tired and fucked up brain for the past months not allowing myself not one breather. of course ive been contemplating the delicious idea of quitting and looking for a more celebrated day job but the hiring world sucks right now so im stuck in this hell-hole i call work. groan.

but there’s always a silver lining on every dark-hued day. of course instead of doing a monologue on how my life is as colorful as a tissue cardboard box right now, im just gonna stare out on the window and welcome a new day ahead and hope for better things. fresh morning air and a warm cup of apple-cinnamon tea. if only dreams can be a reality in a flick of a finger. but for now, il just dream…rather than hope.

zzzZZZZZzzzzZzzzzz…………….